Marriage is an institution ordained by God. It is a sacrificial commitment between both parties involved, in which both leave their former lives and come together to become one in a new life. It is very saddening to note that the very people smiling and overexcited about their marriage some years ago, can not now stand the very presence of each other.In Nigeria, the rate is on the increase, but because of our culture where we strongly do not believe in divorce to a large extent, and how patient our women/men can be towards their marriage, our divorce rates are low compared to the other countries in the world, but this tends to be on an alarming increase as the years roll by.
Now let us examine the Causes of Marriage/Relationship Failures in Nigeria.
LACK OF TRUST
Trust is essential in a marriage or romantic relationship.
It is impossible to have a close, intimate relationship when people do not trust their partners. Trust involves knowing that a partner has your best interest at heart. It is hard to feel safe and secure when you are involved with someone who would betray your trust
This is the number one reason why marriages fail. What causes lack of trust is the inability of couples to be HOT. Not that kind of hotness o. lol... Honest, Open and Truthful (HOT). The foundation of a successful marriage is trust. Broken trust in marriages lead to depression, anxiety and insecurity. The marriage can suffer from a lack of intimacy. A lack of trust in a relationship opens the door to a host of other problems which, if left unresolved, may destroy whatever is left. As soon as trust is broken, the marriage is doomed.
That moment when a couple exchange their wedding vows on the altar, they actually trade their exclusivity to one another, they both give up their freedom, time, love etc. to their spouse. But it is saddening that a lot of young couples take their vows without really understanding the implications. Lack of trust always destroy marriages, and gives room for resentment, anger, jealousy etc. because the very foundation of marriage depends on it.
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Communication is the glue that holds marriages together.
Effective communication promotes a sense of trust at its core. Conveying words, facial expressions and hand gestures ineffectively can destroy relationships. Leaving out details in your communication, forgetting to communicate important information and not listening actively prevents you from being able to properly communicate in a way that is essential for sustaining a relationship.
Regardless of what causes communication breakdowns in a marriage, they can cause rifts between partners that are hard to fix. Poor communication can create a sense of dissatisfaction, confusion, restlessness and fear between partners. It can also lead both partners to wonder if the other person is being faithful or whether he might have found someone else. Failing to communicate on a regular basis at the very least can cause people in a committed relationship to feel less connected to one another. It is not as important for married people to always agree with one another as it is for each partner to express himself clearly and try his best to listen deeply to, and understand, the other person.
Remember the song, 'you say it best when you say nothing at all'? Well, it does not work all the time. Communication in relationships is important if you want your loved ones to be with you all your life, and for this to happen it is important to express your feelings to them and let them know exactly how you feel.
A marriage with a lack of communication can be a source of great unhappiness. Without communication, it’s almost impossible for two people to maintain a loving relationship through all the years of marriage.
BAGGAGE FROM THE PAST
People often make the mistake of bringing in excess baggage from their past relationships into their marriage. They may have previously been hurt by a bad relationship and tend to allow it to affect their marriages, by judging their spouses based on past experiences.
Sometimes spouses are still hooked to their past relationships, they find themselves comparing their past relationships to their marriages and setting expectations, which puts their marriage under pressure and risk of failure, because the marriage is probably not meeting up to the set standard.
There are scenarios whereby a young married man may have had a previous girlfriend who was great in bed, but decided against getting married to her because of her manners, tribe or other factors. He finally marries a humble, gentle and '
good' woman who meets the description of a wife material in his opinion, only to realize that she is not good in bed compared to the ex girlfriend. Subsequently, such a man would take out his frustration from the bad sex on the poor woman and would compare her to his ex and wish she was as good.
What we need to understand understand is that people are different in many ways, what your spouse has, your former girlfriend may not have 10% of it, but just because she is lacking in one aspect your former girlfriend seems to be a professional is no justification to compare both persons, we ought to avoid unhealthy comparisons in our marriages and learn to appreciate our spouse as it diminishes their self esteem and eventually wrecks the marriage.
PRIDE AND EGO
All of us have an ego. And we choose to accept criticism when our egos feel small. On the other hand, we retaliate even if we’re wrong when our egos grow bigger than our head.
A good marriage involves two people who drop all their egos for each other. People who have difficulty genuinely accepting a mistake or asking for forgiveness usually make bad partners. Not because they’re perfectionists, but because they don’t like accepting defeat or compromising for anyone else.
To be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship, but it’s equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship or a marriage once you’re already in it.
Nothing will kill a relationship (even the best of relationships) more quickly than ego.
Let’s say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you’re not listening to them.
Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone.
LACK OF INTIMACY
God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships.
For a marriage to work, a certain level of bonding between the spouses is necessary. A couple needs time to communicate, to spend some quality time together and to have time to keep up to date on each other’s lives and accomplishments. Keeping in touch with each other helps to strengthen the bond between them and keep their marriage going. Couples who start to focus more on their own lives and start leaving their spouse in the dark often leads to a breakdown of the bond between the couple. This is where one or both of the spouses can feel neglected and ignored by the other, which in many cases has led to extramarital affairs and/or the breakdown of the marriage.
But that is not all. A good marriage is best friends with passion. Without the passion, you just have a friendship. For some, being companions is sufficient. But for most, it is not. Most marriages will slowly wither and die without physical and emotional intimacy.
You cannot create a physical intimacy without the emotional intimacy, nor can you have complete emotional intimacy without the physical aspect as well. This is where many couples find their marriages in trouble.
One of the major casualties of the harried pace of modern marriage is the loss of sexual intimacy. It is too steep a price to pay.
Human beings require intimacy. This is why simple physical affections- such as hand-holding, cuddling, hugs and kisses are important to your marriage. These simple actions let you and your partner know that you're there for one another, that you matter to the other.
If you know you can give your partner a "look" from across the room, and that he or she will return that special wink or smile, then you've developed an intimacy in your marriage.
Your marriage cannot survive without intimacy, because intimacy is the foundation of any relationship. Perhaps that's not quite accurate, intimacy is what helps love to survive through the toughest of times, and makes us continue to want to love and be loved by our partners.
THIRD PARTY INTERFERENCE
Marriage is a union between a man and his wife and not a man, his wife and the entire extended family or friends. Of course these people are necessary in ones life but they should have their limits when it comes to family matter in other for peace to reign.
Let us face it, if a country has more than one president in a country, the country will not move forward because each one of them will have different opinions about how the country should be run. In the same way if you allow third parties to interfere in your marriage, it will never be successful because people will always have different opinions on how your marriage should be.
In this part of the world, we run to our pastors, or in laws or bosses, or just any person to settle the dispute in our marriages at the slightest provocation. It isn't entirely a bad idea to seek counsel from elders or therapists when needed but this practice should be reduced to the barest minimum and never be encouraged.
Trust is essential in a marriage or romantic relationship.
It is impossible to have a close, intimate relationship when people do not trust their partners. Trust involves knowing that a partner has your best interest at heart. It is hard to feel safe and secure when you are involved with someone who would betray your trust
This is the number one reason why marriages fail. What causes lack of trust is the inability of couples to be HOT. Not that kind of hotness o. lol... Honest, Open and Truthful (HOT). The foundation of a successful marriage is trust. Broken trust in marriages lead to depression, anxiety and insecurity. The marriage can suffer from a lack of intimacy. A lack of trust in a relationship opens the door to a host of other problems which, if left unresolved, may destroy whatever is left. As soon as trust is broken, the marriage is doomed.
That moment when a couple exchange their wedding vows on the altar, they actually trade their exclusivity to one another, they both give up their freedom, time, love etc. to their spouse. But it is saddening that a lot of young couples take their vows without really understanding the implications. Lack of trust always destroy marriages, and gives room for resentment, anger, jealousy etc. because the very foundation of marriage depends on it.
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Communication is the glue that holds marriages together.
Effective communication promotes a sense of trust at its core. Conveying words, facial expressions and hand gestures ineffectively can destroy relationships. Leaving out details in your communication, forgetting to communicate important information and not listening actively prevents you from being able to properly communicate in a way that is essential for sustaining a relationship.
Regardless of what causes communication breakdowns in a marriage, they can cause rifts between partners that are hard to fix. Poor communication can create a sense of dissatisfaction, confusion, restlessness and fear between partners. It can also lead both partners to wonder if the other person is being faithful or whether he might have found someone else. Failing to communicate on a regular basis at the very least can cause people in a committed relationship to feel less connected to one another. It is not as important for married people to always agree with one another as it is for each partner to express himself clearly and try his best to listen deeply to, and understand, the other person.
Remember the song, 'you say it best when you say nothing at all'? Well, it does not work all the time. Communication in relationships is important if you want your loved ones to be with you all your life, and for this to happen it is important to express your feelings to them and let them know exactly how you feel.
A marriage with a lack of communication can be a source of great unhappiness. Without communication, it’s almost impossible for two people to maintain a loving relationship through all the years of marriage.
BAGGAGE FROM THE PAST
People often make the mistake of bringing in excess baggage from their past relationships into their marriage. They may have previously been hurt by a bad relationship and tend to allow it to affect their marriages, by judging their spouses based on past experiences.
Sometimes spouses are still hooked to their past relationships, they find themselves comparing their past relationships to their marriages and setting expectations, which puts their marriage under pressure and risk of failure, because the marriage is probably not meeting up to the set standard.
There are scenarios whereby a young married man may have had a previous girlfriend who was great in bed, but decided against getting married to her because of her manners, tribe or other factors. He finally marries a humble, gentle and '
What we need to understand understand is that people are different in many ways, what your spouse has, your former girlfriend may not have 10% of it, but just because she is lacking in one aspect your former girlfriend seems to be a professional is no justification to compare both persons, we ought to avoid unhealthy comparisons in our marriages and learn to appreciate our spouse as it diminishes their self esteem and eventually wrecks the marriage.
PRIDE AND EGO
All of us have an ego. And we choose to accept criticism when our egos feel small. On the other hand, we retaliate even if we’re wrong when our egos grow bigger than our head.
A good marriage involves two people who drop all their egos for each other. People who have difficulty genuinely accepting a mistake or asking for forgiveness usually make bad partners. Not because they’re perfectionists, but because they don’t like accepting defeat or compromising for anyone else.
To be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship, but it’s equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship or a marriage once you’re already in it.
Nothing will kill a relationship (even the best of relationships) more quickly than ego.
Let’s say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you’re not listening to them.
Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone.
LACK OF INTIMACY
God designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships.
For a marriage to work, a certain level of bonding between the spouses is necessary. A couple needs time to communicate, to spend some quality time together and to have time to keep up to date on each other’s lives and accomplishments. Keeping in touch with each other helps to strengthen the bond between them and keep their marriage going. Couples who start to focus more on their own lives and start leaving their spouse in the dark often leads to a breakdown of the bond between the couple. This is where one or both of the spouses can feel neglected and ignored by the other, which in many cases has led to extramarital affairs and/or the breakdown of the marriage.
But that is not all. A good marriage is best friends with passion. Without the passion, you just have a friendship. For some, being companions is sufficient. But for most, it is not. Most marriages will slowly wither and die without physical and emotional intimacy.
You cannot create a physical intimacy without the emotional intimacy, nor can you have complete emotional intimacy without the physical aspect as well. This is where many couples find their marriages in trouble.
One of the major casualties of the harried pace of modern marriage is the loss of sexual intimacy. It is too steep a price to pay.
Human beings require intimacy. This is why simple physical affections- such as hand-holding, cuddling, hugs and kisses are important to your marriage. These simple actions let you and your partner know that you're there for one another, that you matter to the other.
If you know you can give your partner a "look" from across the room, and that he or she will return that special wink or smile, then you've developed an intimacy in your marriage.
Your marriage cannot survive without intimacy, because intimacy is the foundation of any relationship. Perhaps that's not quite accurate, intimacy is what helps love to survive through the toughest of times, and makes us continue to want to love and be loved by our partners.
THIRD PARTY INTERFERENCE
Marriage is a union between a man and his wife and not a man, his wife and the entire extended family or friends. Of course these people are necessary in ones life but they should have their limits when it comes to family matter in other for peace to reign.
Let us face it, if a country has more than one president in a country, the country will not move forward because each one of them will have different opinions about how the country should be run. In the same way if you allow third parties to interfere in your marriage, it will never be successful because people will always have different opinions on how your marriage should be.
In this part of the world, we run to our pastors, or in laws or bosses, or just any person to settle the dispute in our marriages at the slightest provocation. It isn't entirely a bad idea to seek counsel from elders or therapists when needed but this practice should be reduced to the barest minimum and never be encouraged.
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