Being self confident is a struggle for most people. If you
don’t believe in whom you are or in what you want, do you really believe in
anything? Likewise, if you don’t believe you have the capacity to succeed,
you surely would fail.
For the sake of this article, Self esteem and Self
confidence are quite interchangeable. In a simple sense, it is knowing your
essence and self worth. It is knowing
what you are good at, the value you add and acting in ways that portrays that.
Self-esteem is the self-perceptions that people hold about their
capabilities. If you have low self-esteem it means that you have negative
ideas about your worth and value as a person. The difference between
someone with a healthy or good self-esteem and someone who doesn't is
simply acknowledgement of your strengths and weaknesses, and
moving through the world safe in that knowledge.
HOW TO
IDENTIFY A PERSON WITH LOW-SELF ESTEEM
Sometimes it can be hard to identify the causes of low
self esteem, but the traits are often the same. Some of the traits include:
- · Being really critical of yourself
- · Focusing on your failures and ignoring your accomplishments
- · Comparing yourself to others·
- · Being scared to express yourself publicly
- · Scared of failure
- · Not accepting compliments
- · Engaging in negative self-talk
- · Being scared of failure
HOW DOES
LOW-SELF ESTEEM AFFECT SUCCESS?
The big question, "How does self esteem affect success?
Typically, the level of your self esteem helps foster the outcome you expect
from decisions, events and activities around you. Confident individuals or
people with high self esteem often anticipate successful
outcomes while people with low-self esteem envisage failure.
People who are confident in their social skills
anticipate successful social encounters. Student confident in their
academic skills expect goods scores on exams and expect the quality of their
work to reap academic benefits. The opposite is true of those who lack
confidence. People who doubt their social skills often envision rejection or
ridicule even before they establish social contact. Students who lack
confidence in their academic skills envision a low grade even
before they begin an exam or enrol in a course. People that are less confident
not only are more hesitant to tout their abilities and skills, but also may be
less willing to contribute in a team environment at their various places of
work, school and other social gathering.
Ultimately, your self esteem determines your attitude
towards a particular cause. Students may well realise that strong academic
skills are essential for obtaining a good academic score, and this, in turn,
will prompt them to work harder. But if students lack confidence in their
academic capabilities, they may well shy away from challenging courses, and may
develop a lazy attitude towards their academics. They will most likely approach
examinations with apprehension and self-doubt. In social interaction, people
may realise that pleasing manners and physical attractiveness are essential for
attracting the attention of others, which is the first step toward building
long-lasting relationships. If, however, they have low confidence in their
social skills and doubt their physical attractiveness, they may hesitate to
make contact and hence miss potentially promising opportunities.
WHY
SHOULD I BOOST MY SELF ESTEEM?
One thing that prevented me from accomplishing my goals for
a very long time was "fear". I was scared that I would fail and would
be mocked. This prevented me from putting my best efforts into any thing I did
as I constantly felt it would ultimately crash and I would be ridiculed. I
would often hide in the background while others voiced their opinions. I would
rather not take risks as I saw myself losing if I tried. I would even go out of
my way to please people even if my needs suffered as I feared rejection. But I
have come to learn that there is really no success without failure. In-fact,
successful people fail more often than failures fail because failures don't
take risks. I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But now I know that I
can beat them, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the
other side. I’ve done it many times over, and that success continues to fuel
further success.
It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think. The
question is "why should we overcome fear and build self esteem"?
There are so many reasons why we should boost our self esteem
and self confidence among which are:
It helps us accept who we really are: Having low
self esteem leads you to say or do what others might expect of you. As a result
you put their needs before yours. You also put yourself in a low position just
to have a confirmation from others. When you develop a healthy self
esteem, you get to like yourself more, and your opinion of yourself goes up
then you’ll stop trying so eagerly to get validation and attention from other
people. And so you become less needy and your inner life becomes much less of
an emotional turmoil based on what people may think or say about you.
It helps to curb negative thoughts: When we think
negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the
form of insults and gossip. A healthy self esteem helps us feel positive about
ourselves and about people around us. By looking for the best in us, you
indirectly bring out the best in others.
It helps us express our opinions better: It’s a
general observation that many people are afraid to speak or ask questions in a
group discussion or a public gathering. They are afraid that they might be
judged for saying something stupid. A healthy self esteem helps us express ourselves
without the fear of being rebuked. You'll become a better public speaker, more
confident in your own thoughts, and respected by your peers.
It fights the feelings of inferiority and insecurity:
Sometimes, we experience various degrees of insecurities in life. It can be
anything from weight gain, to friends at school, to your Boss at work. People
and situations can make you feel inferior only if you let them. A healthy self
esteem helps you manage your insecurities properly so they do not affect your
perception of yourself. if you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others
are going to do and believe likewise.
It helps us recognise and appreciate our Successes: Low
self esteem makes us blind to the talents we have as well as to our
achievements. God has blessed each one of us with some talent. The key to
discovering yours is feeling good about yourself, only then can we focus on
improving them. A healthy self esteem helps us to take pride in our talents and
give ourselves credit for our successes.
WHAT CAN
BE DONE ABOUT LOW-SELF ESTEEM?
You may wonder if it is quite possible to change especially
if you've been low in self-confidence from childhood. The good news is that you
can gain back your self esteem. You can do this by taking control of your
life, and taking control of your thoughts. By taking concrete actions that
improve your competence, your self-image, you can increase that
self-confidence, without the help of anyone else. Here are some tips to help
you re-gain your self esteem:
Reflect on the trigger: If you are going to improve
your self-esteem, it may also help to understand where exactly the feeling came
from as well as the situations that trigger it. It could be work, school,
friends, an abusive relationship/marriage, a sad childhood experience,
excessive weight gain, physical deformity, a sexual assault or rape experience.
Whatever it is, reflect on it, forgive yourself and the people involved, then
let go. If you find it difficult to let go, you should seek help. It is always
good to talk to a therapist at times like this. Until you confront your
shadows, you just may never be able to hold your head up high.
Set realistic expectations for yourself: This
will ultimately help you to stop the cycle of negative thinking about yourself
that reinforce negative self-esteem. When we set realistic expectations in our
life, we can stop berating ourselves for not meeting some idealistic goal. You
should recognise that things don't always go the way we plan, but sometimes our
plans are unrealistic. If you set realistic goals for yourself and work towards
achieving them, you will feel satisfied and proud of yourself when you achieve
your goal, and feel more positive about yourself as a result. For example, if
you are struggling with being overweight, rather than decide not to eat
completely, knowing so well that you love foods so much, you can start by
cutting the quantity you consume per serving then stuffing your refrigerator
with healthy snacks like bananas to munch on whenever you feel hungry. Set a
goal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll
feel good about that. Now set another small goal and achieve that. The more you
achieve small goals, the better you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel.
Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but still achievable) goals and achieving those
too.
Accept the fact that no one is perfect-including you:
It’s really great if you want to do things well, but keep in mind that
perfection isn't possible. Every human being on earth makes
mistakes – it’s in our basic human nature. Why should you be any
different? When you stuff up, don’t stress, just learn from it and move on.
There’s no point wasting all your energy thinking about things that you can’t
change. Why don’t you rather think about some of the things that are in your
power to control and see what you can do about those?
Identify your God-given talent and Shine: Sometimes
when we’re down on ourselves and our self-esteem has taken a big hit, we feel
like we have nothing to offer the world or others. It may be that we simply
haven’t found everything that we do have to offer. Every one
of us have something we are good at. This thing comes naturally to us. It could
be singing, writing, public speaking, cooking and lots more. Whatever your
talent is, you should focus on it, groom it and shine with it. Rather than envy
that friend of yours that seems to be liked by everyone because she is
cheerful, you can develop your cooking skills and be liked by all who eat your
meal.
Take good care of yourself: My favourite slogan is
"looking good is good business". Appearance is key in human
interaction. When you look good, you feel good and people would interact with
you better. There are a lot of simple habits you can imbibe to look good.
Looking after your physical health can help you feel happier and healthier, and
improve your self-image. This involves, exercise, relaxation, eating right and
getting enough sleep. Also, dressing nicely, adopting suitable sitting,
standing and walking postures as well as caring for your skin, hair and nails
help you look great.
Surround yourself with positive people: Avoid people
who bring you down or constantly hurt your feelings. Find a group of people who
make you feel good about yourself and avoid those who tend to trigger your
negative thinking. Avoid people who make you present a 'fake' version of
yourself in order to get their assertion. Such people only make you to put
yourself in a low position and put their needs before yours. This is toxic to
your self esteem.
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